Over the past few weeks the Mill has been ruminating on the tabloids' attempts to coin a nickname for Liverpool's manager Roy Hodgson. "Uncle Roy" has done the rounds as have "Hodgy" and "Hodgo" but none have stuck. But today's Mirror backpage splash of Steven Gerrard under the headline "Don't panic" has opened up a whole Dad's Army world to explore and makes Hodgson perfect casting as ARP Warden Hodges, the officious bane of Captain Mainwaring's life who has a tendency to undermine his authority by falling into rivers. And the drenched pictures of Hodgson from Wednesday night which get another airing alongside scores of handwringing analyses of Liverpool's decline do have a certain slapstick appeal. It also allows the Mill to think of Sammy Lee as Hodges' pettifogging sidekick, the Verger, and Alan Hansen as Private Frazer forever uttering "we're doomed", which is always a bonus.
Most papers are so busy sticking the boot into Liverpool that they've forgotten to print any transfer tittle-tattle at all. But the Star has done its duty with a story that does both. Fernando Torres, "Britain's most successful newspaper" says, "is ready to quit Liverpool in dismay at the club's progress under new boss Roy Hodgson". His representatives are already trying to engineer a move away from Anfield, apparently, alertingManchester City who are preparing a £50m bid. Stop us if you think that you've heard this one before.
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